Diandra Interviews Kara Connolly (Part 1): Realizing Your Self- Worth In Song
Kara Connolly DOES NOT PLAY when it comes to emotional honesty. For her, the clearer you are with yourself and others, the clearer you become in path. Yet, this in to just a spiritual perspective; it is also logistical. Nobody does much when they are depressed, or achieves many things when they are angry.
Insecure feelings block you, and Kara Connolly’s newest track “Life In Rear View” embraces this truth. There are pop and country flares throughout Life In Rear View, and Kara’s voice feels amiable and thoughtful as she looks back on a love that is now left back. For Kara, a true hit is true in hear, and, in our interview, she discusses how she came to be true to herself.
Diandra: You want to inspire women, with your music, to know their own worth. How would describe your worth as person, and how do you protect it as an artist?
Kara: In middle school and high school, I was incredibly insecure. I never felt good enough – pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, talented enough. It was this strange balance between needing to be seen, but simultaneously wanting to hide. I would think, “Once my skin clears up, I’ll finally go talk to that boy” or “Once x, then y…” always relating to something I could improve about myself. I wanted to somehow prove to myself that I was good enough and that came in forms of extreme perfectionism, as well as dating the wrong men who I couldn’t change, but tried to. I think I must have thought that if only I could it would somehow prove that I was worth loving.
Over the years, I’ve had to learn that it isn’t what I accomplish, my appearance, my social media following, how productive I am, the opinions of others, or which goals I check off my to-do list that determine my self-worth. It also isn’t dependent on another person. I still have to remind myself of this regularly. I can fall trap to adopting a people-pleasing attitude and doing whatever I perceive will make others happy, as opposed to what truly brings me joy.
I’ve had to learn that self-worth is valuing your inherent worth as a person. It’s about honoring who you are at your core and not measuring yourself based upon what you do. It took me questioning my constant, inner critic, accepting where I was at, and also recognizing when I was comparing myself to others, to adopt a more healthy relationship with myself. I’ve had to recklessly allow myself to be who I am and stay in my own lane. As an artist, this couldn’t be more true. There will always be someone criticizing what you do and/or trying to make you into something or someone you’re not. I’m fiercely committed to remaining true to myself and my intuition, asking for what I want, and standing up for what I believe in, even if that isn’t what is “cool” or “in” at the moment.
My friend uses a term I love called ruthless grace. I think you protect the self-worth you have cultivated by kindly, but firmly, asking for what you need and expecting the respect you deserve. As I said earlier, self-worth is a process. I need to remind myself of these truths regularly and I hope I can help remind others through my music along the way.
Diandra: Your new music is called Life in Rear View. Why did you choose that title, and how would you describe life from such a perspective?
Kara: I chose the title, Life in Rear View, because the song is about having a hard time letting go and feeling stuck in the rearview mirror as life passes you by, but eventually jumping in the driver’s seat and moving forward. All of the songs on this record were written by me and are about my life over the past few years: so the title felt fitting. The songs are, overall, pretty upbeat and percussive, perfect for a road-trip with friends, and so the car theme additionally seemed appropriate. This album is essentially a journey from breakdown to breakthrough, made possible by taking strides in discovering my self-worth along the way and letting go of what no longer serves me. I would love to encourage others to jump in the driver’s seat of their own lives, to determine what it is they truly want, and to leave the past behind them, in the rearview mirror, to occasionally glance back on. Something about this description feels like The Lion King to me LOL.
Diandra: You wrote Life in Rear View, in a time period where you felt bombarded by life changes? How do you think your creativity saw you through, and what do you feel such changes taught you about yourself?
Kara: What good questions! I wrote the song during a period of transition. My high school sweetheart and I had ended our 6-year relationship, my childhood dog was dying, home life was tumultuous, I was graduating from college and uncertain about my future in all regards… I didn’t know how I was going to survive so many changes at once. Not to bring it back to self-worth, but I truly had to begin to realize that my stability and worth weren’t dependent on all of these aspects of my life that I had considered such huge parts of myself.
My creativity definitely was an anchor for me during a rocky time. I had just moved to my first place after college and wrote so many songs in the middle of the night in my little one bedroom apartment. Creativity, and songwriting specifically, allowed me to get all of these emotions out in a way that made me feel like I was still honoring them, and yet I could separate myself from them once the writing process was over and view them more objectively. I feel very purposeful when I’m creating something. It gives me something to strive towards, and also makes me feel as though everything I went through wasn’t for nothing.
The difficult changes really did teach me that I could get through anything and come out on the other side of it. I took a lot of action steps to bring myself out of, what could have been a dark time, including participating in a yoga-teacher-training program, therapy, putting myself out there in a dating-sense, as well as career-wise, and reading several helpful books. I think it taught me that you never have to remain stagnant or stuck in one place, but that positive change only occurs when you take action. Ironically, the album itself is very fun, colorful, and upbeat. I only could get to those songs by first writing about heartbreak and taking the above steps.
My GOD! I could hear Kara Connolly’s responses for days. She could write a self-help book for young women trying to figure out how to “figure out” their life. Sometimes, we believe our wisdom is the only wisdom, but Kara proves, in music and thought, that the reason Wisdom is endless is because so is every experience. We all are going through life, in our own way, and, as I continued to talk to Kara, I realized the life is about accepting and empowering that truth.
For Part 2 of My Interview Click Here.
