Diandra Interviews Gillian Heidi: Songwriting Your Darkside

Sometimes, it just shocks me how much you feel and know when you are young in 2020. From Generation Alpha to Generation Millennial, there are so many feelings, factoids, and wonders over whether future we fight for so hard can ever be hopeful. Yet, for Gillian Heidi, hope lies in relationships; they are the fuel from which you feel you can dream and spark your sense vision. She is not wrong! From friendships to romance, a good connection with another person can lift you up, which is why heartbreak cuts you down. In our interview, we discuss how both are keys to songwriting and find inspiration in the smallest details, like writing love letters to exchange student when you are in fifth grade. 

Diandra: You have said you show your “darker side” in music. What about music is light enough, you feel, to express darkness? 

Gillian: For me, songwriting is similar to writing a diary entry. It truly sees every side and fragment of me. I let out all of my trust, darkest, and most buried feelings though my songs. Although the stories in my songs aren’t always my lived truth, they all originate from a place of true emotion.
Gillian Heidi – high (Official Video)

Diandra: You wrote your EP when you were 13 or 14, what about that era was “dark,” and how have the years helped you see it with light again? 

Gillian: I think that growing up can be dark in a lot of ways. I wrote most of the songs while I was a freshman in high school, which was a year of great transitions for me. I moved to a new campus, I was starting high school, and a lot of my friendships shifted. I also have a tendency to write about my most intense emotions rather than the happier ones.

 Diandra: What inspired “desperate” or was the story behind it?

Gillian: “Desperate” is about having feelings for someone else while being in a relationship. It’s about the thrill of these emotions but also the guilt that comes with them. When I was in middle school, I had always kind of had feelings for this guy, even when I was dating someone else. I never acted on it, but I always had a soft spot for him. 

Diandra: With “desperate,” in some ways, being about crushing on someone else. Describe your first crush. 

Gillian: Oh my god. This is a great story! So I had a few crushes when I was really little, but my first real crush was in fifth grade. A transfer student joined our class and I was head. over. heels. It was hilarious. I literally wrote him love notes! I was crazy, and it was embarrassing for a while, but looking back on it now, it’s hilarious.

Diandra: How do you feel desperate exemplifies what is to come in your debut? 

Gillian: I absolutely love “desperate,” and it is one of my favorite songs from the album. I feel like it really encompasses the overall vibe of the album. It includes motifs that can be found throughout the album and kind of ties it all together for me.

Diandra: Being a fan of Finneas and Taylor Swift, what do you feel is the importance and authenticity of writing your own songs? 

Gillian: Ever since I was little, I’ve learned to write songs from Taylor Swift. Her authenticity and amazing writing has always inspired me. I also think that my songs always turn out better when they are written from a place of authenticity.

Diandra:  What inspired the title 3AM for your debut?

Gillian: 3AM actually came from a song that didn’t make the final album. The song was very close to my heart and had a lyric that I’ve always loved (which will be included on the album!). The lyric is, “and I can’t tell what’s talking; is it my emotions or is it 3AM and I’m lonely?” 
Gillian Heidi – what it felt like (Official Video)

Diandra: What is your favorite childhood memory with music? 

Gillian: I love going to concerts. Some of my favorite memories are in mosh pits at concerts of artists I idolize. Some of my favorite concerts have been Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, and Train. I also remember when I wrote my first song, and I was so proud (even though, looking back on it, it is a terrible song in the funniest way).

Diandra: What has your relationship taught you about love? How you love? How you receive love? And what the feeling means to you? 

Gillian: My current relationship has taught me how to truly love someone. I think that before I met my current boyfriend, I was unable to open up to anyone, and he has really helped me do that. He is so supportive and he means the world to me. He has truly shown me what trust is, and I always say that I never wrote love songs before I met him.

Diandra: Your music can be about facing inner demons. What are the flaws your music has helped you heal and the strengths it has helped you find? 

Gillian: Like I mentioned earlier, a lot of my music is about the many aspects of growing up. My songs have really helped me channel some of the most difficult emotions that come with growing up. I’ve also struggled with depression and anxiety for a lot of my life, and music has helped me overcome those dark times.

Diandra: If your music shows your personality, what are the traits it carries and the ones it still has yet to show? 

Gillian: I like to look at the girl in my songs as a caricature of myself. It is basically me, but with added drama and intensity. I think that my music truly sees every part of me, in ways that I couldn’t even see before I was able to write about it.
Gillian Heidi – desperate (visualizer video)

Diandra: What are your favorite things right now? From movies to even foods? 

Gillian: I absolutely LOVE horror movies, especially Jordan Peele.I also recently started watching Euphoria on HBO, which I’m loving so far. I’ve been spending a lot of my free time sewing, embroidering and painting recently, and those are things I’ve always loved to do. I’m a super picky eater, so my go to foods are always mac and cheese and/or french toast.

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