Diandra Interviews Allie X: Creating And Healing At Cape God

I had the pleasure to interview Allie X, despite unfortunate circumstances. As more and more tours are postponed or cancelled and artists worry whether their releases will have a cultural impact, let alone a financial one, the coronavirus has brought a harsh reality to an industry that lives off fantasy. Thus, Cape God, Allie X’s newest record, feels even more relevant and powerful. In it, she escapes social isolation and insecurity through sheer imagination, which is something a lot of us will be doing. Thus, her interview was about exploring the heart of an artist that sees her music as a self-discovery tool.

Diandra: Do you consider Cape God a time-frame, a dimension, or a place?

Allie X: I always saw it as a liminal, surreal space I created so that I could revisit some real stuff that happened when I was in high-school.

Diandra: Do you feel like Cape God helped you re-experience the importance of fantasy?

Allie: I think fantasy has always had an important role in my life. Imagining myself as something that reality told me I wasn’t is what made me an artist. I am telling a very personal, emotional story in Cape God, but I am telling it from a fantastical place because it is easier that way. It is easier to tell the story from a beautiful place, visually, rather than how it really happened because that would be depressing to me. If that makes sense?
Allie X – Devil I Know (Lyric Video)

Diandra: It does. It is kind of like how light can enter darkness, but darkness cannot enter light. So, in that sense, what are the new, light things you are imagining for yourself?

Allie X: There are two ways I attribute that question. One is the creative sense. When I make an album, I always imagine what it will look like, which is the fantasy section. The other is dreaming about what my life can be as an artist. I’m hoping, in my personal life, that I can slow down a bit. I have been churning out records for three to four years. It would be nice to just enjoy the release of this one and enjoy my home and my dog. At the same, time I am a workaholic and I always want to be doing something.

Diandra: Well, isn’t there this thing that if sharks stop moving, they die. I feel like it is like that. Some people need to work, it gives them life.

Allie X: (laughs) Well, yeah. And that brings me to the current situation, where I think a lot of people are going to be based in our homes, for the next while, and it is the first time in my life when local circumstances will stop me from working. I have been isolation before because of my chronic illness but never local circumstance. That is an interesting feeling because I just released an album and postponed my tour, and everything has gone into a screeching halt.I am really scared and curious as to how I will react to it.
Allie X – Regulars (Official Music Video)

Diandra: Well, that leads to my fear for artists, who have such high rates of mental health struggles, how will they overcome this imposed, social isolation. How do you overcome it?

Allie X: I focus on that fact that it will stop. I am definitely a melancholic person with anxiety struggles and low periods. Yet, history has shown me I always snap out of it. My depression has never sunk me so much that it left me hopeless. That is when depression gets really scary because you question whether life is even of value. My depression is more about sensitivity, particularly with other people. Every week I, usually, have two days when I just feel melancholic.

Diandra: Well, I read in an interview where you owned that you are an attention-seeker, especially or rather innately as an artist. Do you feel artists are equally seeking attention as much as reflection in their art?

Allie X: Yeah, well, most artists, and there are definite exceptions, but most of us are seeking love through making art. That is what I mean when seeking attention. There is apart of me that, when growing up, didn’t feel like I was enough, and thought that making music and going on stage and showing that side of myself would get me love. Once you get love like that, it is hard to let it go and it is kind of addicting. I am also a Leo. So, honesty is a big thing to us, and I think artists are trying, at some level, to get attention.
Allie X – Love Me Wrong ft. Troye Sivan (Visualizer)

Diandra: Being so self- aware, how do you feel music has helped you build a sense of compassion for yourself?

Allie X: I am a Leo and an attention seeker. I like to be heard, but I am also self-aware, which is something I pride myself on. I think knowing yourself and trusting yourself is the most important thing you can achieve in your life. This goes back to the X in Allie X, which is about making your own truth in life. Because there are so many schools of thought in life, existing is not about following but about going inward and making your own truth and living your life in a way that makes the most sense to you. It has been a journey for me to find compassion for myself, and, for some reason, in these past few years, I have been really doing that. I don’t know if it is because the industry has knocked me down so much that I have said, “F**k you, I am good enough.” I don’t know if it is that I have been in a long-term relationship with a really nice guy for awhile or that I am in a good place with my family. That was a long, rambling answer. (she laughs)

Diandra: No, I think it is relatable. For me, I feel I have exhausted myself into loving myself. The minute I feel I am about to be anxious, I get preemptively tired and I am like, “Nope, I choose to be kind to me. Just to save energy!”

Allie X: Yeah, that is so true.

Diandra: So then, do you thing that a person’s truth is set or ever-changing?

Allie X: I think it is ever-changing, and I am okay with that. I think we become a few different people in our lives and I am okay with that. I wrote the album about a person I am not anymore, and, in 50 years, I will not be the person I am today. I think, in life, you really go through an evolution. Love is so important and ever-changing, and, as painful as it is, people come and go in your life, including who you once were.

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