Diandra Interviews Carissa Kimbell: Flowing To Life Like Water
The life of an artist, especially one that has chosen to make their passion a profession, is hard. It is very easy to forget the joy of creating when your livelihood depends on it, but how can you make others feel alive with your music if the pressure deadens you? This was a question Carissa Kimbell asked herself as she delayed a dream she long had to become a professional artist because she had fear. Who will listen? What do I have to say? Can I stand out? Now a new mom and a more healed person, thanks to psychotherapy, Carissa Kimbell is ready for the world to hear her debut album, Like Water, and to discuss what it means to be happy beyond definitions of success.
Diandra: How did birthing a child and this project feel oddly similar?
Carissa: The decision to birth my album and my child into the world, around the same time, was a no brainer for me. Both being highly creative acts – and ultimately my two greatest creative achievements in my life thus far – it felt deeply symbolic. Not to mention, the metaphor of water throughout the EP, and its role in the creation of all human beings, was just another thread of connection between the project and my new role as a pregnant woman and soon to be new mom. Not only does all new human life begin in the watery womb, but it was also my intention to bring my daughter into the world at home in a birthing pool. Thankfully, this was indeed Ada’s birth story! Both the album and my pregnancy required patience, nurturing, trust, and belief in my own abilities to see the “task” through, beyond simply bringing it into the world. How will I care for both beyond the release and beyond the labour experience? What will that look like? These are questions I am currently asking myself.
Carissa Kimbell – Like Water (Lyric Video)
Diandra: What are things you have discovered about your humanity as an artist versus as a new mom?
Carissa: My humanity as an artist vs new mom – well, for starters, being a new mom is hard! It seems obvious, and I knew that going in, but it is an entirely different thing to live it first-hand. It is testing me in every way possible whether that’s through sleep deprivation, my changed body/limited strength, the challenges of breastfeeding, and just generally, the huge change that is the fourth trimester. I’m not the same person I was before giving birth, and in some ways, it’s similar to being an artist, and specifically, putting this EP out into the world. I’m not the same artist that I was before recording and putting this work out there. Perhaps it’s different for someone who has been making records consistently, but, seeing as how this is my first EP, going from not having a finished project to having one is a big shift for me. There is so much that has been tied up in my desire to create music and it has been a struggle for me for many years. I consider accomplishing this goal to be a great achievement!
Diandra: You have been candid about how scary it is to perform and invest in music as your chosen path. How did you conquer that fear to finally go for it?
Carissa: Stage fright has always been a major issue for me, so naturally, the idea of pursuing music seriously comes with mixed emotions. However, the most positive change around performance anxiety occurred after I developed an understanding of the role of the artist throughout time through myth, story and metaphor, and how deeply connected to my spirituality and life’s purpose music is for me. It’s only when I connect on a deeper level that I can sit with the discomfort and fear and continue in spite of it. The fear hasn’t disappeared, only my relationship with it has evolved making it something I must do regardless of how scary it is. It also helps that I don’t consider music as my sole path, but have many other interests to pursue alongside it. If my music can help connect people with themselves or their creativity, I consider my work to be successful! It takes the pressure off trying to “make it” since I’ve redefined what that even means to me.
Diandra: What is the growth you saw in your songwriting when compared to before and after your years hiatus?
Carissa: During my time away, I ended up feeling very disconnected from the part of myself that used to write songs for the love and joy of it, so I began wondering how I could get back to that place of innocence and enjoyment. I ended up asking myself some pretty tough and important questions in order to find my way to a more soulful place. When I did manage to return to a healthy place in my relationship with music, my writing had matured and deepened thanks to my life experiences, and my songwriting and singing had improved thanks to the years I spent learning and performing jazz. Instead of trying to write a song that I hope people will like, I try to write the most authentic and true (for me) music, and strip away anything that which isn’t in line with that. I view my songs now as an opportunity to connect with people at a deeper level, which I’m not sure was there before in the same way.
Diandra: How has the quarantine/pandemic inspired your art?
Carissa: I don’t feel particularly inspired by the quarantine and pandemic to be honest 🙂
Diandra: What prompted you to try psychotherapy?
Carissa: I had learned about psychotherapy through my boyfriend, at the time, who told me how common a practice it was in other parts of the world. He had some experience with it, and introduced me to a specific niche in psychotherapy which I began looking into. At some point, after hearing so much about, it I just decided to go for it. I wasn’t happy with my life and knew I needed to to find out why and that I needed help in the process.
The Break
Diandra: What are a few things it helped you learn about yourself?
Carissa: I honestly think I could write a book about what I discovered during my three years in therapy. But to sum it up, I’d say some of the things I learned are as follows:
People are complex and it is not always clear why we do the things we do – even after years of therapy.
The way we speak and the words we use/do not use reveal so much about how we think and feel.
Everything is connected! How I act in one area of my life is often reflected in another area. We can learn a lot about ourselves by paying attention to things that at first glance may seem “unrelated”.
You are not your past and feeling guilty about it is a waste of time and energy. Instead of feeling weighed down by what has already happened, focus on understanding your choices and “why” so you can make better decisions moving forward.
Diandra: Like Water is your recognition that “depression is there for a reason”?How would you describe depression and how do you feel it connects to one’s purpose?
Carissa: It has been my experience that depression appears in our lives when we are not in alignment with our true desires and our greater purpose. If we’re not living in a way that supports our purpose, our body and mind finds different ways to try and communicate this to us. The longer we ignore it, the louder the attempt becomes, and it will move from a whisper to a yell if it needs to! I’ve learned that instead of running from depression, we can turn towards it and ask, “what are you trying to communicate? What are you trying to teach me?”
Diandra: It is also a song about future love. With all that is happening in the world, how do you feel music can further the power love?
Carissa: The song, Like Water is definitely a call to a future love. I wrote it as a kind of prayer to the universe that I could one day find a love that allowed me to be exactly myself without asking me to change or hide in any way. At the time of writing, I had just ended a toxic relationship of a couple years and stayed firm in my decision by trusting that something better was possible. And sure enough, it was! Through my reconnection with music, I’ve been reunited with the part of myself that is also connected to the bigger picture of humanity throughout time, and I can’t imagine anything more loving than that. Ironically though, I think there’s room in music for exploration of themes beyond romantic love, which is mostly what you hear on the radio and in popular music. I’d personally like to hear lyrics that explore different topics, and think that moving in this direction has the potential to be really powerful for the listener.
Diandra: Describe an instance when music showed you what love meant.
Carissa: At various times, for various reasons, I’ve been moved to tears by music in my life. Whether it’s a live performance where I’m completely enraptured by the performer, or whether it’s on my own ,in my car, and the message and sound just hits me a certain way, music has certainly humbled me and made me feel intense emotions. Lately, it’s been watching my fiance dance to 80’s songs or celtic music with our five-week old daughter in his arms. The way he uses music to connect with her and calm her down just fills me up with so much love! It excites me to imagine dancing with her in the future and makes me wonder if she’ll love these songs as much as we do.
Diandra: For those who struggle with feeling “shame” of suffering depression, how have your struggles shown you your strength?
Carissa: I think the most important thing to note is just how common depression is. That, and how natural and normal it is. Most of us have been or will be depressed at one or more periods in our lives, and though there is a wide spectrum of depression, and the issue is incredibly complex, it is my personal opinion that we live in a culture that doesn’t make room for the full experience of life. This includes the up and the down, the positive and the negative. Learning how to sit with both realities and navigate through them via self-reflection, introspection, seeking help etc, are all skills that can help us through the darker periods in life.
I have come to learn that typically, when we encounter negative or depressed thoughts, we run the other way. But when we can lean into them, and explore them a little more, we can take stock of them, learn why they are there, and ultimately make a decision about whether or not we want them to continue. If not, what changes can we make in our thinking, and in our actions that support what we want and desire for our lives? Whether we do this on our own or with professional help, just making the choice to do so is incredibly powerful! Each step we take thereafter proves our strength to the most important person of all – ourselves. Embarking on this journey myself has been life changing. Self-trust and self-belief is the foundation of it all!
Carissa Kimbell, Where the Veil Falls (CoWork Concert Series)
Diandra: What has music helped you heal about yourself?
Carissa: Because music connects me with something beyond myself, it helps me view singing and songwriting from a timeless place which helps with feeling too vulnerable and too precious about it all. Having struggled with stage fright since I was a young girl, there has been important healing as a result of deepening my relationship with music. Even though I still get scared and often wish it weren’t the case, since I can connect music to a purpose beyond me, it helps me move forward and share my music with others. It’s a process that is ongoing and ever-evolving, but has helped me heal from the hurt and sadness that comes with not being able to express my talent and passion or pursue my dreams.
Diandra: What is a piece of inner wisdom someone has passed onto you?
Carissa: I think the most potent wisdom that I’ve been learning over and over again for the past few years is that it really is our choice how we respond to life’s challenges and circumstances. And not only that, but we are all capable of making important changes in our lives and minds that allow us to become the kind of person we want to be and live the kind of lives we long to live. This goes along with my belief that depression is a teacher. It is a sign that something needs to change and supports the concept of personal power and taking ownership and responsibility for our lives. Though it’s not easy and I’ll forever be learning exactly how to do this, this structure for living generates a feeling of freedom and encourages me to try again and again at fulfilling my full potential, even when I am filled with doubt and fear.
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