Diandra Interviews Hannah Hausman: Loving You Versus Loving Me

It is so hard to have a big heart. In movies, big hearts are the ones that get crushed and bounce right back up to win the competition, but, the truth is, that “winning” is a weird word for people like Hannah Hausman. As she puts it, she has an overwhelming need to see the beauty of people and love them even when they don’t love themselves. I FEEL YOU, SISTER! Yet, that virtuous sentiment can lead you, like her and myself, to heartbreak. In our interview, we discuss growing up to be loved better, and how her music has helped her learn receiving from a relationship is as important as giving to one, including the relationship you have with yourself. 

Diandra: What has falling in love taught you about yourself? What has falling out of love or heartbreak taught you?

Hannah: I’ve learned a lot about myself through falling both in love and out of love.

I’ve really only experienced the feeling of being in love once. In hindsight, I might have only been in love with a romanticized version of this person that only existed in my head, but the feelings were still genuine. There were moments, I thought, I really loved him.

I learned that it’s really easy for me to forgive someone I love, sometimes, to my own detriment. At the time, I don’t think the person I was in love with had the capacity to love me back. He was dealing with a bunch of different mental health issues, and I was in a really healthy place at the start of the relationship. I had so much love to give that I didn’t even notice how poorly he treated me for a long time. I romanticized him in my head for so long that when I finally received his affection, I ignored any actions that didn’t match the perception I created in my head so I could keep living in a state of feeling in love.

I didn’t even realize I was being abused and manipulated until all of my friends started telling me that I needed to get out of the relationship before things got really bad. I didn’t want to leave him though. I wanted to believe the best in him so badly that I stayed for a long time until things did get really bad and I had no choice but to leave.

Even though I was taken advantage of because of it, this relationship helped me realize I have an overwhelming desire to find beauty in others that they don’t see in themselves and that’s something I never want to lose.

Diandra: Everyone writes to love. How do you feel your music adds to the conversation on what love is? Do you know what it is versus isn’t?

Hannah: Honestly, most of my music is written from a place of conflict or confusion in regards to love. 

I write to try to figure out exactly what it is, how I feel, or why I feel the way I do. My music serves as an exploration of the idea of love through the lens of my personal experiences. Although I haven’t really experienced genuine healthy romantic love for myself, I have experienced other types of love like familial love; My sister is my best friend and I have sooo much overwhelming love for her that I would genuinely die for her. There’s absolutely nothing she could do that would change how much I love her and because of that feeling, I know love exists. Also, I’ve been so lucky to grow up with parents who have always genuinely loved each other. I know love exists because I’ve watched them fall deeper in love over the years. They’ve taught me what real love looks like without even trying.

Diandra: You talk about leaving toxic love behind. What do you love about people versus what you want them to love about you?

Hannah: I love people who see something great in others and call it out of them. People who cheer others on without a personal agenda. I love how unique each individual person is and seeing them light up when they’re doing the thing that makes them feel most alive.

I think that perspective is one of the most important aspects of life, and I always try my best to view circumstances from a positive perspective. I hope that other people see that in me and it helps them view life through a different lens, as well. <3

Diandra: Letting go of others’ toxic actions and nature is naturally freeing. How do you see music as a way of freeing yourself?

Hannah: Music and writing have always been my favorite therapeutic exercise. It’s always been really easy for me to see things from other people’s perspectives and I really don’t like any sort of conflict, so I’ve developed this ability to process and heal from different sorts of trauma through writing and music. If something makes me upset I can go for a drive and listen to music or write a song and then be totally over it without even having to address the other person.

Diandra: What is your favorite childhood memory with music and family?

Hannah: All of my favorite memories involve music! Going to concerts has always been a huge part of my life. Growing up, my sister and I were obsessed with a lot of boy bands and artists and I would beg my parents to let us skip school to go to shows hours away. I’m from a super small town in East Tennessee; so they would always drive us hours to Atlanta or Nashville or Charlotte and we would make fun road trips out of it.

Diandra: Describe the moment you knew becoming a singer was for you. Is there a special instance that solidified it as your destiny?

Hannah: There have definitely been a lot of small moments, but there was this one internal moment I had at this Rex Orange County show I went to in Sydney in 2019 that I’ll never forget. I was really struggling with depression at the time, but only a few of my close friends knew. The day before the show I was at the lowest I had ever been in my life. I went to the show by myself and I experienced so much joy that night that I was reminded how beautiful life can be. Something happened inside of me and I started to dream again. I started thinking, “What if there are songs inside my head that could give people this same sense of freedom, joy, and belonging? What if I can make songs that help someone feel less alone and understood?” and I realized it was selfish to keep my songs to myself if they could create this same feeling for even one other person. 


Diandra: Calling your music introspective indie-pop, what about who you are have you discovered through music? Any specific qualities?

Hannah: Honestly, I’ve learned everything that I know about myself through writing. I’m really good at ignoring my emotions, but writing forces me to sit with them, process them, and let them go. I’ve also learned that I’m obsessed with the idea of being in love considering it’s the main thing I write about haha. I’ve also learned that music is what makes me feel most alive and understood. I’m not very good at expressing how I feel, but songwriting enables me to express myself in the most genuine form.

Diandra: If you could turn one Mary Oliver poem into a song, which would it be and why?

Hannah: I loooove this question so much!

Dogfish is my favorite poem by Mary Oliver and I would looooove to reference it in a song. Every time I read this poem it takes my breath away.

My favorite section is: 

I wanted
the past to go away, I wanted
to leave it, like another country; I wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like wing, like the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;
I wanted
to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know,
whoever I was, I was

alive
for a little while.

I remember reading this while sitting on the floor of a bookstore in Sydney and feeling so seen and understood in that moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOAECBiXx4k

Diandra: If you could turn one of your songs into a movie, which would it be, what would be the premise, and who would you cast?

Hannah: My friends and I always talk about how someone could make a really great psychological thriller based upon my last relationship (lol). All of the songs I wrote for my next EP are about it; so honestly any of them could be turned into a movie. If that ever happened, I would definitely cast Selena Gomez to play me because she’s the celebrity I get compared to, looks wise, the most and she seems like an angel! Also I would neeeeeed Timothee Chalamet to play my ex. Partially because he’s my celeb crush, but also because he could fit the role perfectly. 


Diandra: What is a movie you would turn into a concept album and why?

Hannah: I really loved the movie Silver Linings Playbook, and I think it would be really cool to make a concept album based upon it. I wrote this song called silver linings that hasn’t made it past my voice memos, but it was a reference to the movie about my own experiences of being in love with someone with a personality disorder. I feel like all of the songs would be so dramatic and conflicting because of all of the highs and lows in this sort of relationship, which makes for great songwriting content.

Diandra: As a poet as well, what would you say is the difference and similarity between writing a poem and a song, and how do you know when a poem can become a song or vice versa?

Hannah: I’ve been writing poetry since I was really young, so poetry will always come most naturally to me, whereas I always have to put in a little more work to finish a song. I normally prefer to write my poems in free verse, so the main difference is that my poems normally don’t have a rhyme scheme, and the songs I write generally have structure and a rhyme scheme. Normally, my best writing just comes to me while I’m living my life, rather than when I’m trying to write, so it’s a very intuitive process.

When a poem or song idea comes into my head, I hear them in different tones. When I get a song idea, I’ll normally get a melody and lyric idea together and I’ll record it or grab an instrument to play chords so I can get the idea down, but when a poem comes into my head I hear it in the form of spoken word with a specific cadence, but more of a spoken melody. There are a lot of times though when I’ll use lines of poems that I’ve written to jumpstart songs, and, other times, when I’ll write a poem based upon a song I’ve written. Overall though, songwriting is normally more of an empowering experience for me while writing poetry is more therapeutic.

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